My friend Sarah just made fun of me for crying while we were watching Of Mice and Men so I reminded her that she cried when she found out that her brother had died.
Apparently it’s okay for a woman to cry when a drunk slams his pickup into a wall but it’s not okay for a man to cry while watching two Academy Award nominees give heartfelt performances. Whatevs.
My New Years resolution is to stop telling everybody that I was the drummer on Sonic Youth’s Murray Street album.
Hey asshole your bow tie is on wrong!
Professor Snape actually faked his death. He now works for what the muggles call “American Airlines.”
Please get on flight three hundred and ninety fourrr.
There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations on this flight.
Please do not leave any baggage unattended, people might think you’re…………………….
up to something.
You’re still working here, after all this time?
You must have your boarding pass ready prior to your arrival at the gate. Do NOT disappoint me…
Black Friday is just the government’s way of shortening Black History Month.