5 notes

I found my dad’s lighter from Vietnam while cleaning out my basement today. I can’t even imagine how many cigarettes/villages this lit up over the years. I hope there’s not too much Agent Orange residue left on it.

Someone’s been drinking on the job at the fortune cookie factory…

Someone’s been drinking on the job at the fortune cookie factory…

Pure Michigan

Pure Michigan

Seems legit.

Seems legit.

Last night I had this crazy dream where Erik Estrada was defending the Alamo from a Chupacabra attack OH WAIT THAT’S A REAL MOVIE AIRING AT 9 O’CLOCK TONIGHT ON SYFY CHANNEL EVERYBODY WATCH!!! CHUPACABRA VS THE ALAMO!!!

Last night I had this crazy dream where Erik Estrada was defending the Alamo from a Chupacabra attack OH WAIT THAT’S A REAL MOVIE AIRING AT 9 O’CLOCK TONIGHT ON SYFY CHANNEL EVERYBODY WATCH!!! CHUPACABRA VS THE ALAMO!!!

Double Standard

My friend Sarah just made fun of me for crying while we were watching Of Mice and Men so I reminded her that she cried when she found out that her brother had died.

Apparently it’s okay for a woman to cry when a drunk slams his pickup into a wall but it’s not okay for a man to cry while watching two Academy Award nominees give heartfelt performances. Whatevs.

My New Years resolution is to stop telling everybody that I was the drummer on Sonic Youth’s Murray Street album.

Officially the greatest picture I’ve ever seen.

Officially the greatest picture I’ve ever seen.

19 notes

Hey asshole your bow tie is on wrong!

Hey asshole your bow tie is on wrong!

(Source: twerkmeoff, via lauraleighhollaway)

theresallwaystomorrow:

professional-phan-girl:

littlelid:

guaminator:

ssomewhatgolden:

theklwix:

katethemusical:

Professor Snape actually faked his death. He now works for what the muggles call “American Airlines.”

Please get on flight three hundred and ninety fourrr.

Omg

There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations on this flight.

Please do not leave any baggage unattended, people might think you’re…………………….
……………….
……..
up to something.

You’re still working here, after all this time?
Always


Omg stop

You must have your boarding pass ready prior to your arrival at the gate. Do NOT disappoint me…

theresallwaystomorrow:

professional-phan-girl:

littlelid:

guaminator:

ssomewhatgolden:

theklwix:

katethemusical:

Professor Snape actually faked his death. He now works for what the muggles call “American Airlines.”

Please get on flight three hundred and ninety fourrr.

Omg

There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations on this flight.

Please do not leave any baggage unattended, people might think you’re…………………….

……………….

……..

up to something.

You’re still working here, after all this time?

Always

Omg stop

You must have your boarding pass ready prior to your arrival at the gate. Do NOT disappoint me…

(Source: sunflowerexistence, via memewhore)

0 notes

"Hey there’s no soap in the men’s room."
“Alright, just put some Lysol in there.”
“That’s not the same thing, though.”
“It’s close enough.”

-the staff at Snookers, probably

"Hey there’s no soap in the men’s room."
“Alright, just put some Lysol in there.”
“That’s not the same thing, though.”
“It’s close enough.”

-the staff at Snookers, probably

1 note